Ex- England skipper Lewis Moody has revealed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and stated he cannot yet deal with the full consequences of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the 2003 championship side and secured numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after learning he has the disease.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and being reluctant to completely absorb that at the present time," he said.
"It's not that I am unaware of where it's progressing. We understand that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking alongside his wife Annie, says instead he feels "peaceful" as he directs his attention to his present welfare, his family and planning ahead for when the condition deteriorates.
"Perhaps that's surprise or possibly I deal with matters in another way, and after I have the details, it's more manageable," he stated further.
Initial Signs
Moody discovered he had MND after observing some reduced power in his upper arm while working out in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the problem, a series of scans indicated nerves in his brain and spinal cord had been compromised by MND.
"You receive this medical finding of MND and we're rightly quite affected about it, but it's quite odd because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he continued.
"I don't feel unwell. I don't feel poorly
"The signs I have are very minor. I have some muscle wasting in the hand and the shoulder.
"I'm still able to accomplishing whatever I want. And with luck that will persist for as long as is possible."
Condition Advancement
MND can develop swiftly.
According to the organization MND Association, the disease claims a one-third of people within a 365 days and over half within 24 months of diagnosis, as ingestion and respiration become more difficult.
Therapy can only delay deterioration.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," added an moved Moody.
"It's the sadness around having to inform my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Household Impact
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was consumed with emotion when he discussed telling his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the heartbreaking news, stating: "This was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two excellent boys and that was rather heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We sat on the settee in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced cleaning the moisture off our faces, which was somewhat silly."
Moody stated the emphasis was remaining in the now.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be extremely strongly focused on just welcoming and enjoying everything now," he said.
"According to Annie, we've been really fortunate that the only real determination I made when I left playing was to spend as much duration with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those times back."
Athlete Connection
Top-level sportspeople are disproportionately impacted by MND, with studies indicating the rate of the illness is up to 600% higher than in the general population.
It is thought that by reducing the oxygen available and creating harm to motor neurone cells, regular, intense training can activate the illness in those previously predisposed.
Athletic Career
Moody, who earned 71 England selections and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in honour of his courageous, persistent style to the game.
He played through a fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once sparked a workout scuffle with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he left a practice gear and began throwing himself into physical contacts.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the rear of the throw-in in the critical moment of play, creating a base for playmaker Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to score the victory-securing drop kick.
Assistance Network
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who captained England to that victory, and a handful of other ex- team-mates about his medical situation, but the rest will be finding out his news with the rest of public.
"There will be a time when we'll need to rely on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that sort of affection and acceptance that people are there is all that matters," he stated.
"Rugby is such a great community.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've valued all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you have the opportunity to call your love your career, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a period with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will desire to help in whatever way they can and I await having those discussions."
